one two three fourrrrnication!
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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