we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
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