you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
