You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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