Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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