guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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