Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
