I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
