Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
