when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
