I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
