Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
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