eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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