I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Randomize
