I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
You need a sexual gate keeper
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
