you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
