i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize