Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Randomize
