you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
