Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
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