That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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