She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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