I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I booty called her while she was in labor.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I still have a little drunk in my system
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
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