I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
