i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
