Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
