Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
