Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
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