How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
