I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
