gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
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