You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
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