Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
