K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
