A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize