Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Randomize
