we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize