Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize