1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
