I feel like abortions should bother me more
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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