Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
3 2 1 whiskey
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Randomize
