I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
