last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
