Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Randomize
