So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
