I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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