o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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