i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
