All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
