This is not my ceiling
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Randomize
