All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
