Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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