Whoa Z and x make the same sound
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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