I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Randomize
