Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
