so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
