youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
