Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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