you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
