the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Randomize
