Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Randomize