My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
