Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
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