This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
