how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Randomize
