My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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