I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
