We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Drunk is a universal language darling
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
